Ok, hopefully by my title, you are properly forewarned that today’s post is a cathartic one; a chance for me to get my thoughts onto “paper.”
If you’re wondering where in the world did I pull up the expression “waxing philosophical,” all I can say is welcome to my strange and wondrous mind! Somewhere in the recesses of my brain, I retrieved that term. True to form, I questioned myself, looked it up and, sure enough, discovered that it fits: “Waxing” means growing increasingly strong or intense in a certain direction, in this case in philosophical insight.
I digress…let me get back on track: I’m in my “good” space of time. For the next week or so, I have good energy, enjoy playing dress-up, getting in my car, singing loudly to my fave tunes, laughing and generally doing “my thing.” (Let me never forget how good it feels to do “my thing.”) I am grateful that in my last round of chemo recovery I was much less symptomatic. This alone has created great relief in my heart about chemo going forward. My body is tolerating treatment well and soon enough, I will get through this first chapter.
As you can imagine, there are hurdles for me along the way. If you were to ask me, what is the hardest part of this journey so far? You might be surprised by my answer. It is not my hairlessness, nor my symptoms. It is not even “why me?” (why NOT me?)
It is my COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.
Huh? Allow me to elaborate. Greg and I have chosen for our pathway an approach to this cancer that is integrative in nature. We believe that there is great merit in taking the best that both traditional oncology and alternative medicine has to offer. They both are supported by doctors that are passionately behind their protocols and about healing their patients. So, that all sounds good right? One would think so.
The dilemma lies in this: both parties on either side of the integrative fence strongly believe in their protocols exclusively and are pretty close minded about the approaches of the “other side.” If you talk to a traditional, western oncologist who bases his treatment on years and years of research studies, he will tell you that alternative treatments do not have the statistical proof that they do indeed work. Furthermore, there is expressed concern that somehow these therapies could work against the chemo. The alternative doctor will tell you that traditional medicine is too narrow in scope and is not current with non-toxic, effective treatments, and is too caught up in the cash cow that is chemotherapy.
Greg and I sit smack-dab in the middle of this conflict between the two worlds. Because my cancer is aggressive, we are going with the most proven treatment, which is chemotherapy. But we also believe in the merits of an organic diet, natural supplements and cutting edge treatments.
Greg said it best when he compared it to our current political climate. There’s the democrat side, there’s the republican side and then there’s the big, vast valley between the two where sits the independent. Both sides are vehemently calling the independent to their side and quick to point out why the other side is wrong
Thankfully, my warrior husband is undaunted by the conflict. I, on the other hand, find myself often feeling like Rodney King:
Unlike the scenario I just painted, where I truthfully have distaste for both of the political leaders, I really, really like my doctors. I believe that both sides want the best for me and that both are committed to my healing. I just don’t like being pulled between the two worlds: chemotherapy vs. Vit C IV drips, pain meds vs. medical marijuana, fasting vs. eat-anything-you-want diet (you get the idea.) But the benefit to us is that we know we are doing EVERYTHING we can to do our part in fighting this disease. Not only do we hunger for healing, but also crave PEACE along the way!
The greatest and truest comfort is that neither side of medicine is our savior…God, the ultimate, highest, best healer is the one in charge. I rest in that. That gives me my much needed PEACE. I trust that everything else will fall into place!
Enough of that. Just bringing it up gets me all fired up. Time to return to my happy place…
I have a few more days before my next Chemo, coming up on Thursday. Where did the time go since the last treatment? Too fast and yet the faster we get on with this, the sooner I get through treatment and back to my normal life! Right? After this treatment, we’ll be half way through Chemo! Once I come out of my recovery cocoon in about a week, it’ll be time to get an updated MRI and Ultrasound exam to determine my precise progress. I’m boldly hoping/praying that the cancer is gone! From that point, I imagine we will begin talking about what our next move might be, regarding surgery. So much to consider and factor in. One step at a time. One day at a time.
In closing, check out my recent fortune cookie message…Love it!
Thank you for all your love, support and prayers!! Means everything to us!!